Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
