big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Randomize
