Please don't use social media to get back at me.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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