i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
