i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
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