Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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