I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I just blew my weed a kiss
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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