This is not my ceiling
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
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