YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
