She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Randomize
