No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Randomize
