Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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