I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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