I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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