I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
50% drunk capacity currently
Blow job season was short but glorious.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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