Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
