hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
