Dual....:-)
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
