he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
