It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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