Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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