I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
