Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
