I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
