"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize