More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Randomize
