why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Randomize
