oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Randomize
