Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
