Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
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Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
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that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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