I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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