Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
