Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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