Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Randomize
