I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
