Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
