Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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