i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
did i walk over a car last night?
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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