I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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