so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
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