it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
it's like heaven, but drunker
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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