the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
