I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
