i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
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as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
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It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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