Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
