i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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