My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
