Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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