3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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