the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
