I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
