just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
