This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
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He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
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So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.