I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
did i just pee glitter