Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
