I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
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