we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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