Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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