Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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