You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Randomize
