Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
