I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
it's like iHOP with fire
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
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