It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
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drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
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I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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