She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
