Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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