She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
How's work?
Spinning.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Drake has all the answers
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
