All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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