How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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